When I Got Home, I Was Famous

Well, let me just see how this feels. Don’t worry about what I’m typing or what mistakes I’m making. Just type. What are you thinking about? Well, I’m mostly focused on my perception of the world. Of people. Who am I? What is my goal? I don’t have insane dreams. What I do have is a goal to be happy. And I’m worried that my constant need for having what someone else has will make it so I am never fully happy. 

I’ve spent most of the past five years pretending to be someone else. In my freetime, I had many fake lives. I was a Broadway star, a pulitzer prize winning author, a Senator (democrat, but I voted to confirm a few republican appointees), a professor, a Major League Baseball umpire, a Youtuber with modest success, a composer, a stand up comedian, a fast food manager, a pop star, and the Vice President of the United States.

In these lives, I felt satisfied. It was enough to go through my real life during the day as long as I could go back to my alternate lives at night. Sure, I was working at a DSW in the morning, but when I got home I lip synced to famous broadway songs (all sung by women, I might add) pretending I was the one on stage being seen. 

In reality, it had nothing to do with Broadway or the jobs itself. Mostly it had everything to do with the attention that those jobs brought. 

If I have to be honest, I view much of my life with embarrassment. I was weird, and dumb, and cocky for someone who knew nothing. I thought I had everything and everyone figured out. I took things personally. I was horrible at accepting feedback. I didn’t enjoy interacting with people unless I had a crush on them or if they made me laugh. 

The greatest lesson I learned in life is that in the end, all anyone really wants to do is talk about themselves.