Why do we still have to bless people when they sneeze?
What possible reason, in today’s society, keeps this practice alive as a binding social mandate?
Is this still considered a brush with death?
Are we still operating under the theory that my soul briefly exits through my nostrils?
Also, sneezes are absurd.
A minor irritation in the nasal mucosa triggers a neurological chain reaction that ends in a violent expulsion of air.
For dust. We lose control of our bodies. For dust.
Yeah, I looked it up.
It’s time for this social obligation to die.
You sneeze, and now I’m legally obligated to acknowledge it.
A blessing? What am I, the pope?
Did I just get off the phone with the big man upstairs? “He says you’re clear. Carry on.”
When I sneeze in public, I’m not worried about my health. I’m embarrassed. It’s not cute. I don’t care what your boyfriend says. It’s a bodily malfunction.
And some of you? The volume. Let’s address it.
No one accidentally sounds like the Incredible Hulk at 9:35 am. That is a choice. A seismic event. Papers move. Birds migrate. And then you just sit back down like you didn’t trigger a minor evacuation.
If it’s you, reflect. Adjust. Grow.
Or at minimum, stand up and apologize. Remain standing for ten minutes. Think about what you’ve done.
We have to have standards.
